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Lenten thoughts

Last Wednesday marked the beginning of Lent, a time of self-denial that symbolically parallels the 40 days and 40 nights that Jesus spent in the wilderness. The Lenten season ends Easter Sunday, the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.
But back to the personal meaning of Lent and all this self denial talk. This year I didn't want to do what I have done in the past. One year I gave up TV, another I gave up MySapce and sugar, and I think I did all three last year, but I can't really remember. These habits I gave up for 40 days (actually more if your counting Sunday's) were good for me. However the purpose of denying myself these things was supposed to draw me nearer to God - in essence, force myself to focus on God and call on him for strength. Instead of spending time reading the Bible or praying during the times that I would be participating in the activities I denied myself, I spent my time doing other unproductive things or eating other unhealthy snacks (enter salty/savory goodness). Clearly Lent wasn't working the way in which it was intended (like many other religious practices and me).This year, I hope it will be different.

This year I spent almost a week mulling over the possible things I could give up. As I am trying to be healthy (ok, maybe it's because I'm paying for a personal trainer and I'm sick of looking at more of me than there should be), I thought about giving up unhealthy foods... namely chocolate or other sugary goodness. However, this shouldn't be something that I give up for lent to be spiritual, but rather something I should give up to be healthy and not simply for 40 days. So sugar/chocolate was a no go. Then there was internet related habits... facebook, podcasts, email, blogs, google (ok I only just thought of that... yikes that would be scary), but surprisingly I don't feel too addicted (ok that might be a small lie), but lately they have been tools that I have been using in deepening my relationship with God rather than sucking it dry, so I chose not give those up. My next thought was to add a discipline, you know the normal, reading the Bible, praying daily, meditating... all that good stuff. As I have tried making those disciplines happen for new years resolutions or other such "commitment" days, I decided those were yet another thing that I couldn't just add for the sake of needing something to give up or do. By Shrove Tuesday (the day before Ash Wednesday) I was at a loss. I really wanted to do something meaningful.

I jokingly thought I should give up bitterness, but then I thought about it. Bitterness tends to get in the way of my relationship with anyone, especially God. I tend to use it as a defense mechanism, and a reason for not being open to different forms of worship or praise. I've noticed in the past few years I have built this wall that has stopped me from really enjoying the diversity in which people express their relationship with God. Ok wow, that sentence is way too spiritual for any earthly good. Let me unpack that, as I will most likely forget what I was trying to say.

Enjoying the diversity in which people express their relationship with God... Let me try and put it into an unchristianese format (as it is not necessary to understand Christianese to be a good Christian... sounds like a good future blog post). Every person has a different way they like to interact with God. Like how people pray... some pray with large words and intensity, others with a specific voice, some call God different names like Daddy (I have a hard time with this, but that's my issue, not theirs), some even pray in tongues (a different, spiritual, language that some parts of the church don't believe is a modern spiritual gift and others do). Those different ways of prayer show diversity in how people communicate to God through prayer. Worship is the same way, you've got hymnal books, "contemporary worship music," brass bands, acapella, gospel, dancing, flags, the list goes on. Again, another example of diversity in how we express our relationship with God.

I get frustrated when people put their relationship with God in a box - when they feel that there is only one way to have a relationship with God. Then again, I tend to have my relationship with God in a similar box. I want to interact with God in a particular way, and if someone else says I'm doing it wrong, or I should do it differently, or with more or less of whatever I get frustrated - no, bitter. This bitterness starts out small, then grows into an ugly beast that pretty much strangles any hope of a good relationship with both people and God. I was getting so offended by people who made me feel that my relationship with God was inadequate I just became bitter about the whole situation and stopped being open to they ways that they experienced God. So my hasty half serious thought about giving up bitterness took root, and grew into my serious Lent commitment. I will deny myself the ability to become bitter.

Well it's been less than a week, and I have had to take some very big steps to start cutting out bitterness out of my life. I've had to go to Women's camp (which wasn't bad at all), work on a relationship with someone who hurt me (I again was reminded that grace is freely given to God, and that I should be willing to at least entertain the idea of viewing people from that perspective), and I am going to try out a different way of worshiping and praying tomorrow evening. I can't say I haven't slipped along the way. I have had moments of bitterness and frustration, but I have sincerely tried to put those aside/work through them and simply allow God to put me in the right place at the right time, and keep my mind open to how He wants me to respond.

I mentioned a prayer in my previous post but since it was given to me I've been thinking... My roommate left a prayer in my purse last Tuesday night (the day before Lent began). She didn't intend for it to be something that I would focus on during this season, rather for encouragement after she heard about the day I had. Looking back on this past week, I am tempted to believe that God very purposely planned out this Lent season for me. I hope I am hearing him correctly.

Just a few quick things and a prayer

First the prayer...

Lord, preserve me from fighting your battle in my own strength. May I never pull up the precious wheat with the tares. May I triumph, not by frantic stiving with the forces of evil, but by keeping my eyes securely fastened on You.

I ask that You make of me an expert peace maker. Help me, in the power of the Spirit, to clear the path of obstacles to making Yout peace - real peace - in Your Body here on earth.

-Leanne Payne, Restoring the Christian Soul through Healing Prayer

My roommate, after hearing a breif recap of my day yesterday, told me about a few of the phrases and gave me a copy this morning. Thank God for the grace he provides.

On a past post related note...

Teenchallenge of the Greater San Francisco Area does not provide rehab services for teenagers... their closest teen program is in Las Vegas, Nevada, oh and there's one in New Mexico. *sigh*

Sorry we can't help them

Today The Salvation Army's Detox facility, in San Francisco, reopened it's doors. Which in and of itself is a pretty amazing feat. While it won't be filled to capacity for a few weeks (I believe, but I could be wrong), today it started taking people in, who are seeking, in someway, to find their way out of addiction. For adults in recovery The Salvation Army, in San Francisco, now has services that brings adults through as much of the recovery process as possible. Of course programs can't fix a person... people can't fix a person, but I think what people can do, is with the help of God, provide tools and support for a person to find their way through their addiction, underlying pain, and other issues. Today marks a day where we can say to adults you don't have to do it alone. (This has not been endorsed by the Salvation Army, all that is said, both above and below does not reflect the over all opinion or stance of the Salvation Army as an organization, but merely reflects my personal opinions and thoughts... I think that covers it).

Now on with my beef. Several months ago I was asked by a friend of mine to find some drug/alcohol rehab/recovery programs for adolescents in the Bay Area. To my dismay I found very little resources for teens struggling with addiction. Now if the teen was 18 (a legal adult) there was much more in the way of residential treatment facilities, but under 18, all I could find was a few out-patient programs. I revisited my search a few weeks ago, simply gathering information to pass on to people and to be knowledgable about the options available for teenagers. After speaking to a few referal people I came to the sad realization that San Francisco does not have any residential treatment programs for young people under the age of 18. There is, however one program in the Santa Cruz mountains that has an adolescent residential rehab program. This is the one and only rehab center that has an adolescent residential rehab component to it, in the whole state of California. In 2006, 18.8% of the estimated 36,457,549 people residing in California were under the age of 18 and over the age of 5.  That's approximatly 6,854,091 people (California QuickFacts from the US census). While, I'm pretty sure the average 6 year old does not have a drug habit they need to kick, kids are starting and using younger than anyone working with kids would want to hear, yet sadly presumes. I could bring up the current statistics, but those tend to look like numbers and not faces. I can imagine that most people know at least one person, has at least one friend, can think of at least one family member that has struggled with addiction. How old do they have to be until we are ready to help them?

I have to get ready for work but...